1. Write
down a description of your ideal person
Sounds
silly? Not at all. Let me emphasize this, writing down things actually has
power. Just the act of writing something down activates your consciousness,
your ideas turn into something more tangible for you, which impacts your
subconscious mind, and that’s our goal... We want to change the way we see
things from the root. Because right now, our perception of reality is not
focused on something that is good for us. So, write down what your ideal person
would be, this will help you focus on the array of possibilities you have,
instead of just putting all your energy into one single person. You will feel
empowered by deciding what you want as opposed to staying attached to the
idealization of someone who is not contributing to your well-being.
2. No
contact whatsoever
Distance is
important, and the reason is simple: Every time you make contact with that
person, whether it’s face to face, a phone call, online, or even just seeing a
picture of them activates hormones and neurotransmitters, these chemical
messengers are what’s behind what you are feeling... Activating them makes us
go through peaks and valleys of emotions that affect us when trying to fall out
of love with someone. Those peaks will make us feel good for a moment only to
feel way worse after.
3. Accept
you’re still attracted to them... but so what?
All the
good things you saw in that person from the beginning are not going to fade
away. But you know what? A lot of people have good qualities, you too. Don’t
try to convince yourself that you’re not still attracted to them. Quit fighting
and instead just accept the fact that you still like those things about them
and might always like them. That does not mean you’ll always be in love with
them.
4. Work on
self-improvement
Loving
yourself and treating yourself kindly is always good. But we tend to neglect
ourselves especially when feeling down and it only makes things worse. Starting
something new like taking an interesting class, exercising or doing some
volunteer work will make you feel good about yourself, feel loved by yourself
and the new experiences will distract you from thinking about that person.
5. And
finally... Be patient with yourself
Applying
these techniques will definitely speed the process of falling out of love. But
still, those feelings aren’t going to disappear overnight. It’s simply not the
way our brains work. We are designed to love, the chemistry of love is there
for a reason and it takes time to stabilize those emotions. So, don’t get
discouraged if you find yourself thinking about them or clinging to memories.
Just keep working on these ideas and soon you will be back in the game!
Bonus note: I have updated this blog entry to include a link to a mental exercise (a life-hacking tool, you might say) which you will find very useful in relation to this article. This link will take you to a short meditation on letting go and personal growth, which is in essence the idea of this article, and you will also find it useful in releasing the tension and overwhelming feelings that come with the desire of an unfulfilled wish or an idea that you are not able to materialize.
The benefits of meditation would probably be the subject of a different blog entry, but for now I leave you with this meditation I have personally prepared and recorded, and hope you find it empowering in letting go. (A meditation on letting go)
-Kristal Pastor
B.S. in Psychology - Universidad Intercontinental, Mexico
Diploma in Neuromarketing and Market Intelligence - Universidad Anahuac, Mexico
Diploma in Comprehension and Intervention of the Elderly in the 21st century - Universidad Intercontinental, Mexico
Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn (Kristal's LinkedIn profile)
Para leer este blog en español, visita Hackeando la vida con psicología
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